85 Days!

In eighty-five days, I get to marry this guy: 

He is patient and kind and always bears with me in love. He is always laughing and making me laugh. He prays for me and with me, and he seeks to learn to lead me. He works so many hours at Starbucks so that he can save money for our future, and still take me out on dates. He loves his World Religions major and studies all the time. He also loves to talk about his classes and teaches me about Greek. He loves his friends and seeks to have intentional community with other men. He reads his Bible. 

Jeremy is awesome and I absolutely cannot wait to marry him! Speaking of, here’s a little update on wedding planning. 

What is finished: 

• We ordered a cake from Short North Piece of Cake after spending a day tasting flavors and comparing prices! We got a great deal and can’t wait to see how it turns out. 
• We found a caterer, PC Events Catering, that has a good wedding package that allows us to have a  dinner buffet and “cocktail hour” with appetizers beforehand. They’re working with us to provide fun alternatives to alcohol since our reception location (a church) is dry! 
• We have our ceremony and reception locations. 
• I have my dress! It is currently being altered so it fits just right!  
• We’ve were blessed with two engagement parties, where some of our family and friends were able to gather and celebrate with us! 
• Several people are planning showers and parties for us over the next few months! 
• We have been working with Jay and Megan from Scarlet City Church, doing premarital counseling. Jay will be officiating our ceremony.
• We registered for at Target and Macy’s… which was definitely a challenging process for us! I should probably write a blog post soon about how I was faced with my sin and controlling nature while registering!

Still to be done: 

• We are in the process of finding invitations or figuring out if we’re going to make them!
• We have found a couple from Scarlet City Church who do photography that we are really excited to work with! We just need to sit down with them soon and get it set in stone. 
• We still need to figure out decorations and other details, like programs, and the ceremony structure.
• I need to make appointments with hair stylists for myself and my bridesmaids for the wedding day.

When I write it out like that, I realize that the bulk of the work is actually behind us! Sometimes it feels like we have so much left to do, and so little time. Yet I’m simultaneously wishing that the time would pass more quickly so we could just get married already.

Engagement is such a picture of the already-not yet Kingdom! Please pray for Jeremy and me as we continue in this season. 

A Hill to Die On?

For the past month or so, Jeremy and I have been attending Brookfield Church on the weekends that we are in Athens. Church has been a hard thing for me to come to grips with during my time at OU. I’ve been floating around between a few other churches in the area, or choosing to drive to Columbus every Sunday morning, or not attending church at all, depending on how I feel, at different points over the last three years. 

My dissatisfaction has forced me to re-examine my expectations when it comes to churches. What are the non-negotiables for me, the hills that I will die on, and what are simply preferences that I can live without? 

I know that being gospel-centered is a hill to die on. But practically, what does this mean? Do they have to preach the gospel every week during Sunday services? Do they need to be liturgical, basing the structure of their services on the gospel? Do they need to identify as “missional” in the context of reaching their city (or the nations) with the gospel? Should they avoid Hillsong music at all costs and only sing songs written hundreds of years ago, but modernized to include a banjo part? 

That last one was facetious. But seriously, I can be pretty critical when it comes to church services. Brookfield is no exception. 

Jeremy and I first attended Brookfield during its first few weeks of services, and I left with mixed feelings. I appreciated that they taught from the Bible and that we heard the gospel during the sermon.  But I was turned off by their charismatic prayer style, their non-liturgical structure, their cheesy graphics and their abundance of Hillsong and Chris Tomlin music. I was also concerned about how much they emphasized reaching college students, and felt like they were really similar to a parachurch ministry like Cru. I didn’t like how they don’t celebrate communion or baptism during their services. 

Most of these are legitimate concerns. But rather than allowing them to excuse me from my responsibility to honor the sabbath, lately I’ve chosen to wake up on Sunday mornings to gather with the Body of Christ. And God has richly blessed this effort toward discipline! 

By holding so tightly to my preferences, I was worshipping created things like music styles and liturgical structure, which were failing me, and missing out on the chance to worship Jesus among a body of believers. Brookfield Church is different than what I’m used to. But being exposed to differences sharpens and stretches me, forcing me to learn from other members of the Body of Christ and their giftings and the way they know the Lord.

I want to choose to be content in this circumstance, rather than putting my hope in the day that I will get to serve in a church that I like more. I want to let go of my propensities toward consumerism and over-criticism with churches and humbly serve the Lord wherever he has me. 

I still have concerns with Brookfield Church. But I am really excited to continue to meet people there, to worship alongside them, and to grow and learn from our differences while still celebrating the gospel that we have in common. 

Lord, I pray that you will direct my worship toward you and you alone. My sinful heart can pervert even good things that are gifts from you, like church and worship, and turn them into ultimate things. You alone are ultimate. Let me not abandon the convictions that I have that are from you, but give me open hands when it comes to insignificant preferences. Help me not to be hindered in praising you because of musical styles or aesthetics. Lord, move through Brookfield Church to bring gospel restoration in Athens and to proclaim the good news of Jesus to those who don’t know you. Amen.

Jesus is enough.

I’ve started this blog several times with the intention of having a place to process externally. Each time, it has stemmed from a desire to grow in my ability to reflect and to process and explain what the Lord is doing in my life. I purposely hid the few blog posts that were left over from each of those attempts because they annoy me. I always give up on blogging a few weeks or a month after I start.

But I think this is something I really need. I have felt so passion-less lately. I spend my days doing what I need to get by, but failing to experience the abundant life that Jesus promises. Where is my joy? Where is the passion I once experienced for the Gospel, for community, for ministry?

I’ve realized in the past few days that I am letting my circumstances determine my contentment. My life right now is not ideal. I don’t have a Gospel-centered church where I know people and am known. I don’t feel vitally connected to a community of believers at all. I don’t have anyone to partner with me in ministry, or a community to bring people into that they might experience Christ’s love through his Body. I don’t really have the intentionality or accountability I desire in friendships. I’m not consistently fed with Gospel-centered teaching or worship.

But I have Jesus. Is Jesus enough to satisfy me, regardless of circumstances?

I know that Jesus has always been and will always be the only constant in my life. He is the same now as he was when I was in high school, when I felt like I was experiencing the circumstances that I long for. He will be the same for the next year and a half that I am in Athens, and after that when I leave Athens. The things that I put my hope in are always going to fail me, but Jesus never will.

God has ordained for me to be in Athens during this time. I know that he is good and does good, and what he has for me is the best, because he is the author of my life and my faith. He will finish the good work that he started in me. Three years ago, he took me out of a season in which it was easy and joyful to follow him, surrounded by intentional community, older women to pour into me, a Gospel-saturated church that always left me challenged and encouraged, and an abundance of time to study the Word and discuss it with friends. But by removing me from those things, I am left with Jesus. Just Jesus. As I sit in discontentment, and complain, and dwell on the past, I am robbing myself of the experience of treasuring Jesus above everything else, and knowing the surpassing worth of Christ Jesus, my Lord!

If I don’t feel like I am learning anything in this season of my life, is that because I am looking to something other than Jesus and his Word for my growth, sanctification, and holiness? Is my complaining hindering me from experiencing the contentment that comes from putting my hope in Christ alone?

Lord, may I learn to be satisfied in you and you alone. Please bring me into a new season and increase my faith. Help me to forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead, pressing on toward the goal of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. May I never believe that the circumstances I am in are anything less than your best for me. You have no more wrath toward me, only grace and mercy, because all of your wrath toward me was poured out on Jesus. You are good, and you will work all things together for my good. Amen.